Surviving, Living, Thriving: How We Move Through the Seasons of Being Human

There are seasons of life where the goal is simply to make it through the day.

Not optimize it. Not romanticize it.

Just… make it through.

And then there are seasons where things feel steady… and even moments where life feels full, connected, and genuinely good.

Most of us don’t live in just one of these places. We move between them. Sometimes gradually. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes before coffee.

This isn’t about “leveling up” your life. It’s about understanding where you are—and what you might need next.

Surviving: “I’m getting through the day”

Survival mode isn’t a failure. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

When life feels overwhelming—loss, change, burnout, the state of the world (which… let’s be honest, has been a lot)—your brain shifts into protection mode.

This often looks like:

• Going numb or feeling disconnected

• Running on autopilot

• Struggling with motivation or focus

• Irritability, anxiety, or shutdown

• Doing the bare minimum (and that still feeling like climbing Everest)
  

Sometimes “success” in this phase is brushing your teeth, answering one email, or putting on real pants. That counts. Fully.

There’s a biological reason for this. When stress is high, the brain prioritizes safety over growth. The alarm system gets louder, while the parts responsible for planning, reflection, and connection quiet down (Arnsten, 2020; McEwen & Akil, 2020).

Your system isn’t broken. It’s trying to keep you alive. And when emotions feel too big or too unclear, we don’t usually sit down and gently process them. We… outsource them.

• We eat them

• We scroll them

• We shop them

• We numb them

• We stay busy enough to not feel them
  

Not because we’re failing—but because we’re overwhelmed and doing our best with what we have.

In survival mode, the goal isn’t transformation. It’s stabilization.

Think:

• Eating something (anything with a nutrient is a bonus)

• Sleeping when you can

• One small task at a time

• Lowering the bar instead of raising it
  

This is not the season for becoming your “best self.”

This is the season for staying.

Living: “I’m okay most days”

Living is where things start to feel… manageable.

You’re not constantly bracing for impact. There’s some rhythm to your life. You’re functioning—and sometimes even enjoying parts of it.

This might look like:

• Going to work and getting things done

• Taking care of your health most of the time (we’re not doing perfection here)

• Having access to your emotions—not just survival responses

• Saying “I’m doing pretty good” and actually meaning it

• Handling stress without completely shutting down or spiraling
  

You might still have off days. You might still order takeout three nights in a row and call it self-care. That’s fine. We’re aiming for mostly okay, not a curated wellness routine.

From a nervous system perspective, this is where there’s enough safety for regulation, reflection, and choice (Porges, 2021).

You’re not just reacting anymore—you have some space.

And that space? That’s where change happens.

Thriving: “I feel connected to my life”

Thriving isn’t a permanent state. It’s something we visit—and sometimes forget the address to for a while.

It’s not about having a perfect life. It’s about feeling connected to your life.

This can look like:

• Feeling engaged and purposeful in your work

• Experiencing meaningful connection in relationships

• Feeling at home in your body (or at least not at war with it)

• Having energy—not just caffeine-fueled survival energy

• Laughing, creating, enjoying things again

• Moving through hard moments without losing yourself in them
  

Research calls this “flourishing”—a mix of wellbeing, meaning, engagement, and connection (VanderWeele, 2020).

You’re not avoiding difficult emotions here—you’re able to feel them without needing to escape them. And that’s a big shift.

Moving Between States: It’s Not Linear (and thank goodness)

You don’t graduate from surviving into living and then unlock thriving forever like it’s a video game. Life doesn’t work like that.

You can be thriving in your career and surviving in your grief. You can be living steadily and then get knocked sideways by a life change.

These are states, not identities.

The work isn’t to “arrive.”

It’s to learn how to move between them with a little more awareness, support, and self-trust.

Resetting When You’re Stuck in Survival

If you’ve been in survival mode for a while, the idea of “thriving” can feel… ambitious.

So we don’t start there.

We start with resetting your system and gently reconnecting with your body. Because before you can change your thoughts or habits, your nervous system needs to feel safe enough to be here.

Reconnecting With Your Body (without making it weird)

A lot of people are walking around completely disconnected from their bodies—and don’t realize it until they try to slow down. Reconnection isn’t some big spiritual moment. It’s usually pretty subtle. It might look like:

• Noticing your breath for a few seconds

• Realizing your jaw has been clenched since 2007

• Feeling hunger before you’re starving and irritable

• Catching “I think I’m overwhelmed” before it turns into snapping at someone you love
  

This is called interoception—your ability to sense what’s happening inside your body. And it’s strongly linked to emotional regulation and fewer impulsive coping behaviors (Khalsa et al., 2018; Mehling et al., 2021).

Simple ways to start:

• Put a hand on your chest or stomach and just notice your breath

• Ask: What am I feeling right now? (vague answers are allowed)

• Pause for 30 seconds before reacting (yes, even in texts)

• Step outside and notice something real—air, temperature, sound
  

You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to do it a little.

What Each Stage Needs Most

Instead of pushing yourself to be somewhere else, try asking:

What does this version of me need right now?

Surviving needs:

• Safety

• Simplicity

• Lower expectations (yes, really)
  

Living needs:

• Consistency

• Gentle structure

• Showing up for yourself, even imperfectly
  

Thriving needs:

• Meaning

• Connection

• Space to grow and enjoy your life

A Gentle Truth

If you are in survival mode right now, you are not behind.If all you did today was keep going —you’re still in it. And that matters more than you think. There is nothing wrong with you for needing time, support, or a slower pace.

The goal isn’t to force yourself into thriving. It’s to build enough safety, stability, and connection that thriving becomes possible—and even then, it comes and goes.

Kind of like motivation. Or laundry.

Griffin Oakley, MSCP, NCC, LMHC, LPC

Founder & Therapist, Curious Mind Counseling 🌐 www.curiousmindcounseling.com  📞 971-365-3642 ✉️ griffin@curiousmindcounseling.com

About the Author

Griffin Oakley is a licensed trauma-informed therapist practicing via telehealth in Oregon and Florida. His work focuses on complex trauma, identity development, attachment, and helping clients heal from systems that taught them to fear themselves. Curious Mind Counseling is an affirming, inclusive practice welcoming LGBTQ+ individuals, neurodivergent clients, and those navigating spiritual or religious harm.

References

• Arnsten, A. F. T. (2020). Stress weakens prefrontal networks: molecular insults to higher cognition. Nature Reviews Neuroscience.

• Khalsa, S. S., et al. (2018). Interoception and mental health: a roadmap. Biological Psychiatry.

• McEwen, B. S., & Akil, H. (2020). Revisiting the stress concept. Neuropsychopharmacology.

• Mehling, W. E., et al. (2021). Body awareness and emotional regulation. Frontiers in Psychology.

• Porges, S. W. (2021). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety.

• VanderWeele, T. J. (2020). On the promotion of human flourishing. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.