When Connection Turned into Consumption: How Social Media Hijacked Our Peace — and How to Get It Back
- Griffin Oakley
- Nov 11
- 5 min read
There was a time when social media actually felt… social. You could post a photo, share a memory, and reconnect with that long-lost friend from middle school. It was fun. It felt like belonging.
Fast forward to now, and that same glowing rectangle that once helped us connect often leaves us feeling isolated, anxious, and strangely hollow. The scroll that used to make us smile now feels more like doomscrolling — a word that shouldn’t even exist, but here we are.
Let’s talk about what changed, why it matters, and what life can look like when we start to reclaim our attention.
The Shift: From Tool to Trap
Once upon a time, cell phones made life easier. You could call for help if your car broke down, or let someone know you’d be late to dinner. Then came the “smart” device — and for the record, SMART is actually an acronym: Self-Monitoring, Analysis, and Reporting Technology.
It doesn’t mean wise or thoughtful. It means it’s watching you.
Our devices track what we click, how long we stare at a post, and even the time of day we’re most likely to pick them up. Then that data gets sold to advertisers and political groups to “keep us engaged.” Which sounds nice, until you realize it’s not for your benefit — it’s to keep your eyeballs on the screen.
If that sounds manipulative, it’s because it is.
What the Science Says
This isn’t just a “kids these days” issue — it affects all of us.Research keeps piling up showing that social media use correlates with increased stress, anxiety, depression, and poor sleep.
A national study of young adults found a clear linear link between social media use and depression (Primack et al., 2017).
A meta-review confirmed that passive scrolling and appearance-based activities are especially harmful to self-esteem and mental health (Vahedi & Zannella, 2021).
The World Health Organization reported a surge in problematic use among teens — up from 7% in 2018 to 11% in 2022 — with lower overall wellbeing (WHO, 2024).
Excessive screen time literally changes the brain, lowering gray matter volume and disrupting sleep cycles (Stanford Longevity Center, 2024).
So no — it’s not just in your head.
Your brain is responding exactly as it’s designed to — to keep you hooked.
Why It Feels Like an Addiction
Every ping, like, and notification releases a hit of dopamine — the same chemical that drives reward and addiction. The cycle looks like this: boredom → scroll → reward → repeat.
It’s not so different from nicotine or alcohol. People often say, “Smoking calms me down,” or “A drink helps me sleep.” The truth? Nicotine actually raises heart rate and blood pressure, and alcohol might knock you out, but it reduces restorative sleep. It just feels relaxing because it relieves withdrawal or sedation.
Social media works the same way: it relieves the discomfort it creates.
The Illusion of Connection
Many people tell me, “But it helps me feel connected!”And I get that. We’re wired for belonging.
But it’s worth asking: connected to what?Because what we’re seeing online isn’t real life — it’s a highlight reel. Photos are filtered and edited. Comments are boosted by bots. In fact, entire arguments sometimes happen between fake accounts to spark outrage and keep you scrolling. (Yes, really. Bots fighting bots.)
Meanwhile, your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a genuine connection and an emotional ambush — and that constant stimulation can leave you more anxious and less grounded.
The Physical Toll
This isn’t just emotional. Constant device use affects your body, too:
“Text neck” from looking down for hours
Carpal tunnel and tendonitis from endless swiping
Eye strain and headaches from blue light
Even early arthritis in some people from repetitive motion
And if you’ve noticed that people in public look… slumped? You’re not wrong. Our evolution might actually start bending back toward the shape of a question mark if we keep this up.
Life Without It: What You Might Notice
When you take a break — or step away entirely — a few things happen:
The quiet feels weird at first. You might feel restless, even lonely. That’s withdrawal, not failure.
Your thoughts return. Without a constant stream of content, your brain starts creating again instead of consuming.
You connect differently. You may reach out to friends in real life or rediscover old hobbies.
You sleep better. The absence of blue light and mental stimulation lets your brain restore itself.
Your posture changes. Your neck and shoulders thank you.
Time expands. You realize you do have enough hours in the day — they were just buried in the scroll.
How to Try It
Here’s a gentle, realistic way to explore life beyond the scroll:
Audit your habits. Check your screen-time stats. Notice which apps eat your hours.
Set a 24-hour break. Delete (not just hide) your social apps. See what comes up emotionally.
Write down what you notice. Restlessness? Relief? Boredom? These are great therapy topics.
Try one full weekend offline. Plan things you enjoy — reading, walking, connecting, resting.
Deactivate for two weeks. Turn off notifications. Protect your peace.
Download your data. Most platforms let you archive photos and posts. You can access them anytime from a computer — you’re not losing your memories.
Reflect. How’s your sleep? Posture? Anxiety? Mood?
Share your experience in therapy. We can unpack what comes up and make sense of what your nervous system is telling you.
If you’re ready to go further, delete the apps entirely. You might just find that the people who matter most have your number anyway.
The Bigger Picture
This isn’t about demonizing technology — it’s about reclaiming your humanity. Our devices are tools. We are the ones meant to be smart.
Take time to observe: next time you’re out at a restaurant, or walking down the street, count how many people are not on a device. You might be shocked. But also inspired — because presence is contagious.
Final Thoughts
When I first deactivated my accounts, I felt both free and strangely lonely. I had to rebuild relationships offline and make peace with silence. Over time, the quiet turned peaceful. Conversations became richer. The people who showed up in real life mattered more than any number on a screen.
If you try this, be gentle with yourself. You’re not giving up connection — you’re giving up the illusion of it.
So, put the phone down for a bit. Feel the sun, look up, breathe. The world is still here — waiting for your full attention.
🌐 www.curiousmindcounseling.com 📞 971-365-3642 ✉️ griffin@curiousmindcounseling.com
