Suffering in Silence: The Hidden Wounds of Sexual Trauma in Men
- Griffin Oakley
- Apr 23
- 3 min read
At Curious Mind Counseling, I work with people who carry pain they’ve rarely—if ever—spoken aloud. And for many men, that pain comes from something so unthinkable and so ignored by society, it often stays hidden for decades: sexual abuse.
The Silence Is Widespread
Sexual trauma in men is one of the most underreported and misunderstood types of abuse. According to national data, at least 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted in their lifetime. That number is almost certainly an underestimate, because most men never say a word.
On average, it takes a man more than 20 years to tell someone he was sexually abused. And even after that first moment of disclosure, it often takes another 5 to 10 years before he feels safe enough to share details—if he ever does. Some survivors don’t even realize that what happened to them was abuse.
What It Can Look Like
Sexual abuse can leave a mark that doesn’t always show up the way we expect. Many male survivors carry symptoms of PTSD or chronic trauma without linking them to what happened:
Nightmares or flashes of disturbing memories
Trouble sleeping or staying calm
Feeling emotionally shut down or always on high alert
Fear of being touched—or the opposite, struggling with compulsive sexual behavior
Deep, unshakable shame
Using substances to numb out or feel something, anything
Unexplained anger or a tendency to lash out and withdraw
Challenges in intimacy, parenting, or basic self-care
These symptoms are consistent with those experienced by survivors of sexual trauma. Rape trauma syndrome, a form of PTSD, encompasses many of these symptoms. Wikipedia
This isn’t a character flaw. These are survival strategies. It’s how the nervous system tries to protect itself after something overwhelming and violating.
Myths That Keep Men Quiet About Sexual Trauma in Men
One of the biggest reasons male survivors stay silent is the myth that sexual abuse doesn’t happen to men—or that when it does, it’s somehow their fault. I hear these statements all the time:
“I didn’t fight back, so maybe it wasn’t really abuse.”
“It was a woman. That should’ve meant I wanted it, right?”
“I was a kid, but maybe it was just an early sexual experience.”
“I got aroused, so maybe it was consensual.”
“I’m not gay, but it happened with a man. I don’t know what that means.”
These are prevalent myths that contribute to the underreporting and misunderstanding of male sexual abuse. Educating the public about these misconceptions is crucial.
These are lies survivors have been fed by shame, by culture, and by silence. The truth is: abuse is never about desire or orientation. It’s about power, manipulation, and lack of consent. None of this was your fault.
Masculinity Shouldn’t Mean Silence
Toxic masculinity tells men to tough it out. To be strong. To never show pain. But here’s what I’ve seen again and again: it’s an act of real courage to speak the truth about what happened. Naming trauma is not weakness. It’s survival. It’s reclamation.
When trauma stays buried, it doesn’t disappear. It shows up in fractured relationships. In the inability to trust or care for yourself. Sometimes, it even spills into violence or abusive behavior toward others. This isn’t about blame—it’s about what happens when we carry unhealed wounds for too long. Hurt people often hurt others. But healing people? Healing people change everything.
You Are Not Alone
I can’t say this enough: you are not alone. You are not broken. And you are not the only one who’s felt this way. Thousands of men are quietly walking through life carrying the same ache, wondering if it’s safe to speak.
If this blog resonates with something inside you—something you haven’t been able to name—please know that healing is possible. It’s not too late. You don’t have to carry this alone for another year, or another day.
Therapy won’t erase what happened, but it can give you space to begin making sense of it. It can help you reconnect with your body, your voice, and your right to safety and joy.
You deserve to heal. You deserve to feel whole again. If you're ready, I’m here.
Visit www.curiousmindcounseling.com or email me at info@curiousmindcounseling.com to schedule a free consultation. You don’t have to keep suffering in silence.
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